That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize