I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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