i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
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Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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