she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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