Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize