sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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