you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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