Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize