My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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