girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
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I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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