They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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