You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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