sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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