You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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