With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize