Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize