i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
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between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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