Need sex. Gaining weight.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize