Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
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We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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