Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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