I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
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so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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