The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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