watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
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we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
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My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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