remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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