I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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