this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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