Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be naked everywhere
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize