Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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