I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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