I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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