Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize