Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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