I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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