Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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