Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
God, I missed his penis.
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