He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize