and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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Ladies don't puke and tell
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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