I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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