Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
How naked do you want me to be?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize