the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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