Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize