It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
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Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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