try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize