I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
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The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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