Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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