I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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