Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
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Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
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What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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