I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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