Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
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Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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