So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize